The shemagh is an eastern headress that uses a large square piece of cloth to wrap around the head, leaving the eyes and/or face exposed. It lends a certain exotic desert look to the wearer.

The "snuggie"... is it even possible to SAY "snuggie" without feeling your masculinity diminished? Even women can't wear a snuggie without inciting derogatory remarks.

I finally discovered the difference between a really good cup of coffee from a French press and a really mediocre cup of coffee from a French press...

Why would someone wish to risk association with Goofy? Among the Disney cast, he's "that guy", the one whom friends refer to as "good people", about whom nothing positive comes to mind, but they are tolerated for their endearing stoopidity.

That's Goofy.

I was once given a pair of silk boxer shorts that featured Goofy on them. I was so mortified that I had them returned.

If I wanted to identify with any of the characters in the Disney cast, it would be Winnie the Pooh. Oh, I know that he was originally A.A.Milne's creation, but Disney pirated him quite thoroughly. Regardless, that is the character I would choose to identify with.

Winnie the Pooh is so laid back and chill that he has inspired such works as The Tao of Pooh, which portrays our silly 'ole bear as a hidden zen master of taking life as it comes. There is something to admire in Pooh-bear. At the very least, he isn't as stoopid as Goofy...

I don't know about you, but my leftovers tend to sit in the refridgerator until they walk away on their own appendages...

I don't cook. I can't cook. But I hate leftovers...

Whenever possible, try to have a roommate that either enjoys cooking or works as a line chef at a restaraunt.

Ideally, get yourself a private chef.

After missing the opportunity to attend SXSW (interactive), I have been catching all of the panels that I wanted to show up for via the SXSW podcasts all recorded during the event. An event is already broadcasting audio, making it incredibly easy to record. And now, without having to leave my home office, I can take in all of the material without being required to show up.

No heavy SXSW traffic to sit in. No anxiety over finding a place to park. No sitting through enormous lines to get in. No shoulder to shoulder crowds to wade through. No vying for a seat that you can hear everything from. No dealiing with anyone around insisting on talking through the event. No having to worry about how much you'll miss if you have to take a piss. None of that.

Music concerts are just as applicable. In addition, at a live event, you don't have to witness your favorite band making any mistakes; I hate that. Why would I want to see a song I might like get fucked up by the very band that crafted it?

Screw live events; catch the show from home...

Today's businessman needs to seriously consider that the era of the Polo shirt has passed... along with that of the mullet and other disturbing trends. Polo shirts became popular because they had a collar and were made of enough polyester to virtually guarantee them wrinkle-free.

A Polo shirt says that you are into horses and playing with sticks and balls. Interpret as you will.

A Rugby shirt says that you are playful and don't know your own (considerable) strength.

It is time to make a stand in this cultural game of fashion mores.

Frequently, when I have had the misfortune to be stuck going to a fast food franchise, I take notice of the play areas that are set up there. Huge monstrosities of hollow tubes and nets and ball-pits, slides and stairs and fun, all waiting behind a big sign saying "you must be this tall to enter". They didn't have anything like that when I was a kid and now I'm to big to play there, even if I wasn't too old.

Contrast that with my favorite cinema, the Alamo Drafthouse, which does not even allow children, serves alcohol, coffee and a range of good food to eat. But, most importantly, no kids!

Can't climb on your playground? Get the fuck outa my theater! Ha!

Like the pied piper of sugar, ice cream trucks wander the streets of both suburbia and ghetto alike, constantly generating a steady stream of noise pollution with the same monotonous jingle playing over and over and over again. You try to ignore it, but it just keeps going until you feel about to snap or you find something else with volume to counterbalance the cacaphony. At least if they were peddling smoothies and granola it would be healthy, but the ice cream man pushes sugar in one of it's most addictive forms. Children quickly learn to scream for it and pregnant women have been known to kill for it. These mobile miscreants should be stopped; if not to avoid inciting me to hunt them down then at least to prevent the next generation from succumbing to the lure of future obesity.

I know that I should just learn to ignore the noise, but I've done what I could to address the problem. My apartment complex simply refuses to let me pay for double-paned window replacements for my unit. I offered to finance it out of pocket at no cost to the management except to, perhaps, perform or approve of the work. Unfortunately, they insist that all units remain the exact same so that there is never an issue of mismatched replacements or jealous residents who are still stuck with the problem.

In the meantime, as always, I have a bass solution for noise pollution. 

I spent some time stuck with nothing but a Nintendo DS and broadcast television.

Craig Fergeson is my new personal Jesus.

Thank Buddha for that fuckin DS, tho. You wanna learn to APPRECIATE one of those? Broadcast television tastes like inner city public transportation.